#I live in a hell of my own making
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kills me that to look at any other post i’ve reblogged i have to go through a wall of house fanart
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once again the cat tails are causing some kind of conflict that only comes up when specific pants are worn. I know it must be something I'm doing but I just don't have the spiritual resilience to fight with these goddamn tails again, so I'm just remaking the package again and cloning the base game carnival mask (which they're incompatible with anyway for texture reasons) instead of the nude lower body because that superficially fixes it
#I live in a hell of my own making#the problem is I don't actually understand most of what I'm doing I just know what to do#and either everyone else knows how things work or absolutely nobody does but it's impossible to find tech support#the s4s forums have like one person answering all the cc problem threads so I feel bad posting too often unless I'm REALLY stuck#because jesus christ I don't know when they sleep#and a not insignificant percentage of youtube tutorials contain things that are just blatantly wrong or bad practice#nobody actually knows what everything in warehouse does#or if they do they aren't sharing#like at this point I'd pay money just to have a clear and straightforward explanation of what every single warehouse field does#so anyway sometimes I just gotta slap a bandaid on problems that superficially make the problem not happen anymore#and hope it doesn't cause a whole different problem somewhere else
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Writing fanfic is just like 'this is soooo sexy i am so great. shakespeare would kiss me tenderly if he read this'
And then you post it and for 2 days you go 'oh nooo its so bad and cringe all the other fandom kids are gonna talk about me during lunch. shakespeare would laugh at me'
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I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional
#I know he has a tendency to go deranged on his red lives but idk something about him beginning to lose it after Jimmy died and killing Grian#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans fanart#trafficblr#Again its his red life shenanigans but... If only Jimmy had known how affected someone was by his death. I'm choosing to believe this#and him then going out like a sad pathetic wet cat even with Grian's sacrifice... He really deserves a win one of these days lmao please#Also I cant stop thinking about how Jimmy wouldn't have left him. Grian was sensible to and most players probs would have#Joel really does become a lost cause so its fair and Grian did still care (and went to say goodbye as well as sacrifice his time for him)#But Jimmy would have stuck by even if Joel were in this state (and they'd both get themselves killed pathetically but)#And Joel having shown such genuine care for Jimmy and concern over his limited time... man anything w Jimmy makes me so emotional lol#I love them so#oh Ig about the art itself. I dont like it but hey thats how it tends to go when you try smth new. And no shame in trying#but if one person likes this then yayy I will still feel accomplished and happy#Im looking at this again and hey its not that bad actually yay I love to approve of my own art. self love hell yea#tubby art
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#sars cov 2#covid 19#i've interacted with 4 different friends/acquaintances in the past month alone who have all been hospitalised after having a stroke#(and in one case multiple strokes)#one who i visited in hospital over the weekend had a (unmasked) nurse coughing up a lung in her room 👍#and one of them who had to undergo surgery also had to be moved to a different hospital#bc the ward they were keeping him in was full of confirmed covid patients 👍👍#idk how many times it needs to be said before it gets through people's heads but VACCINES ARE NOT ENOUGH#and encouraging ppl to rely solely on them when there are already plans to jack up the prices so you have to KEEP PAYING for boosters#for an ONGOING mass-disabling event is so laughably unrealistic and absurd and flat-out demonic#you need to mitigate the actual spread of covid by WEARING A MASK + fighting for CLEAN AIR/proper ventilation in public spaces!!!!!!#ppl are so eager to forget the whole 'break the chain of transmission' thing and how effective masking is and so this is where we're at#'i got infected and infected other ppl who might die or become permanently disabled but it's no big deal bc no one else wears a mask#so if /i/ didn't infect them someone else would have anyway so it's not my fault and really its got nothing to do with me and my choices'#if everyone is responsible then no one is responsible - that's how it works right?#it's no wonder some ppl go rabid at even the sight of someone wearing a mask and minding their own business#ppl seeking treatment for unrelated conditions/illnesses and then dying from covid caught in hospitals#due to lack of npis/basic mitigation measures - no regulations no accountability#we truly live in a hell (''new normal'') of our own making#anyway none of this is new news at all i mostly thought it might be good to share the info graphic abt signs of stroke#covid has been given free reign and chances are increasing as to how likely you'll encounter it happening to someone you know at some point#also heart attacks and pots and alzheimer's etc etc etc
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You know what’s funny? How I can say that I headcanon a character as somewhere on the ace spectrum and/or aro spectrum, and within minutes I am being treated as if I am somehow very unintelligent and know nothing of the world.
#venus speaks#ace#acespec#asexuality#aro#arospec#aromantic#asexuel#Seriously tho let me live in peace#and bonus points for people trying to tell me – someone on the ace spectrum – that I don’t know what those really are#I’m just so damn tired of not being allowed to talk about and/or bring my own headcanons to the table anymore#And it’s also not just me. I see it everywhere and it’s honestly making me upset and uncomfortable as hell
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hello kross nation
cross belongs to jael peñaloza killer belongs to rahafwabas
+ individual versions with notes!!!!
#armageddon art#horns and wings#<- that’s what i’m callin this thing. for now#they look like they live in ENTIRELY different eras but like. they kinda do. not literally but you know#these are like their “normie” designs for my own sanity i might or might not make them more creature here and there. as a treat#ALSO i should mention killer’s smoke doesn’t smell Strong or particularly Bad#anywayg#i had more commentary but i’ve forgotten most of it#i think killer calls cross angel. originally as an objective title but over time it grew soft#what if you clawed your way up from hell and i was forcefully cast out of heaven. and we were both boys. or whatever /silly#not fully satisfied with cross’s clothes but i struggled immensely with those so it’s good enough#cross sans#killer sans#cross!sans#killer!sans#cross x killer#killer x cross#kross ship#criller#sanscest#utmv#utmv fanart#ut au#sans au#ut au fanart#sanshipping#there’s several tidbits i could say about their designs and like my inspirations and intentions with certain things but i’ll wait cackles#definitely feel free to ask about it tho
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Maybe I'm a masochist, a sadist, or both, but I have to say it... we were robbed of a real reaction shot of Charles hearing Edwin screaming from Esther's device.
The one time it cuts back to Charles struggling, Edwin has temporarily stopped screaming. Then the girls show up and keep Esther busy, so he's not screaming for a significant amount of time. Charles is getting his bag and picking the lock during that time. When Esther restarts the device again at a higher level, Charles is dropping down into the snake pit.
We never actually see Charles hearing him even though he definitely could. Niko and Crystal could hear his screams from outside.
If they were going to emphasize that Charles was completely helpless and unable to do anything to rescue Edwin, and then make us listen to his agony, the least they could've done was give us that reaction as compensation for the devastation they unleashed on us.
(ko-fi)
#does this make me a masochist?#cause it would hurt my heart?#does this make me a sadist?#cause i want to see them suffer?#who the hell even knows#but if you're going to make protectiveness one of the main qualities of their relationship#you gotta go all in on how destroying it is for one to see or hear the other in pain#their name is payneland for a reason#they gotta live up to it lmfao#when their partner being in pain hurts them more than their own injuries do#you know it's the good shit#dead boy detectives#rambles: dead boy detectives#the case of the hungry snake#charles rowland#jayden revri#payneland
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i could explain why anyone that says "flowey cant feel (positive emotions) because he doesnt have a soul" is wrong but i dont feel like it. all you need to know that as a fellow trauma survivor he is my puppet to project onto whether he likes it or not
read the tags for more i suppose
#flowey is a metaphor#my headcanon is valid and cool and you will like it and accept it#let me isolate both socially and physically for my own safety that wont make it worse haha#said the silly whimsical goat boy after being assaulted and killed by an entire village after agreeing to his sibling sacrifing themselves#and dying in his arms#ptsd/cptsd often comes with a hollow feeling and a fuckton of attachment issues#love alone cannot fix something like that#flowey had no way to cope with it and created a hell of his own making instead#i relate to the emptiness that you drown out with anything you can#the timeloop did not help#i often see the timeloop he trapped himself in as an unhealthy coping mechanism and/or drug almost#frisk is the one who saves him from himself#he can finally learn to move on and just... live#yeah im crazy#flowey#undertale#shitpost#headcanon
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when you're having a good day and it hits you that stanley probably used to promise himself all the time that he would never become his father and he still unintentionally ended up somewhat looking like and acting like his father, filbrick's suit which was never meant to be his was his signature outfit and everyone had perceived him as a greedy grumpy old man who loves money for most of his life
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#stanford pines#filbrick pines#they will never make me hate you stanley pines#ooh this detail has a little kick to it#first it was pretending to be ford for 30 yrs and now it's bearing those old habits filbrick had? dude could never live his own life#this show is making me sick to my stomach#this man's life is living hell i cannot#edit: i forgot to mention the fez but ykwim
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how can you drop a heavy burden if it's holding you up as well
#im having too many feelings post the very final#NGAHH. im in a hell of my own making#they said a heart’s a heavy burden#and gintama said to live a full life is to carry a heavy burden throughout a long journey#and i said what if i started sobbing#the yorozuya actually mean so much to me. i can never explain it in words#they are THE found family first and foremost. and i really want to convey that in the art i make later on#they’re such a comfort#oh god i might tear up#anyways#sakata gintoki#kagura gintama#shimura shinpachi#yorozuya gin chan#yorozuya#gintama#ok bye
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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So I'm replaying Ray's After ending rn, and it got me thinking that what I adore so much about Rika as an antagonist is just how damn scary she can be. I always found those who cause harm with good intentions (at least in their point of view) much scarier than those who hurt you with pure intention on hurting you. I think the best example of it is this CG in particular:
Look at that. Such a loving, gentle expression on her face. Probably kissing his forehead. Because she loves him. Heck, without any context, this CG looks even sweet, if you think about it. And yet, all that is while Saeyoung is forcefully sedated on a powerful concoction of drugs even a trained agent like him can't do anything about (and Saeyoung WAS definitely trained to deal with this sort of thing, hence it's mentioned that this is a 'special' kind of drugs). He looks miserable. Bags under his eyes, his expression pained and troubled, even his hair is paler than usual. All that as a direct result of her actions. But she's utterly blind to it. What's scarier, is that she knowingly shuts off her understanding of what's really happening. She's not oblivious to it at all. She just chooses not to see it that way. Simply because she doesn't want to.
Rika is the type of antagonist that will cup your cheek into her warm hand with the most loving of smiles on her face, all while you are getting elixir poured down your throat. Even whispering to you that you're doing great, that the pain will soon pass, and that she can't wait to see you reach the happiness she knows you deserve. I won't be surprised if she even cried genuine tears of compassion during some ceremonies for her believers. All while being the sole reason behind their suffering.
And that's... God, that's terrifying to me. I love that about her.
Rika Kim, they could never make me hate you
#mystic messenger#mysmes#mysme#mm#rika kim#kim rika#anyways ughhh she's so messed up i adore her#yes i will think about cute fluffy scenarios with her one minute and then go into her most horrible of actions the next#like it's such a contrast to all the rest as well#ray gets as close to her as possible in terms of his approach to messed up deeds but it's still different with him#like ray genuinely believes in what he does - good and bad#rika conditioned him that way#suit even points that out: 'oh i'm not like that airhead. i know this place is messed up.'#rika on the other hand? it's the way she willfully just... chooses to live in her own twisted fairytale that is so fascinating to me#it makes her scarier than ray but it also makes her more unstable#because once that fairytale of her is threatened? well she gets even more dangerous but in a completely different way#we literally see her spiraling more and more during v route and it's as scary as it is also sad#just saying: v ae could have been such a banger if they didn't absolutely mess it up#i think i despite judgement ending more than anything else in the game for so many reasons#if cheritz had the backbone they would have either removed it altogether or remastered v's ae for free I'M JUST SAYING#because what the hell was that#anyway#rant over#i wrote a huge post about how much i love rika while i am actively biting my nails every time she touches the twins BUT I LOVE THAT WITH HE#YES give me a character i keep feeling so many conflicting emotions for i will gobble that up
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vector portrait for digital imaging class of RGB!! hey go read The Property of Hate if you haven’t already btw it’s an amazing comic by @modmad that i’ve been hotglued to since my junior year of high school.
big thank you to mod for giving their permission/blessing to wrestle with this horrible tv bastard in adobe illustrator for the express purpose of shilling him and this comic to my unsuspecting class <3
(edit: god okay pls click for fullscreen. hogy shit)
#tpoh#the property of hate#rgb#modmad#there’s a lot more i was planning to do w this but bleeeegggggjhhhh#i don’t own a laptop so i have to do all my hw for this class in the library + i live off-campus + i had office hours that day#7 hours in the library fighting with adobe illustrator on 5 hours of sleep and no food in my body said No You’re Done Now Actually#i have another project coming up that uses this one in it so i’m gonna get to make a diptych of this motherfucker next >:3#tpoh’s been eating my brain again as of late holy hell the hyperfixation clobbered me#what the fuck is my art tag. do i even have an art tag#my art#nox art#there. perfectly serviceable >:p#btw the working file name for this was actually horribletvbastard.ai so . now you know that i guess#yes the halo effect is intentional. no i don’t no how to use adobe illustrate. further questions may be taken outside#anyway THANKS MOD I LOVE YOUR BOY AND YOUR COMIC AND YOUR ART <33333
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it's time like these when i almost wish i could trade my writing ability for the skills to draw jadus perfectly. almost
me: i wish there was more art of jadus he can't be that hard to draw right
me, 3 botched attempts later: his armor is a CURSE
#i live in a hell of my own making#maybe if i train 4 years just to draw his faceless ass. no by then the swtor fandom will be dead
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Vutepose, the vending machine and interplanetary food export billionaire, and Roman, the unfortunate xenobotanist he hired to make Novian foods palatable to Aishish consumers. biting and maiming and killing and growing horrible fruits and veggies
(Vutepose's design was an adoptable purchased from @skunkes =:-] )
#neotag#neopets#my art#neolodge#roman just moved off of the aisha homeworld to live on the NSS-L1 station in orbit around Novus#vutepose doesn't really have a single spot he sticks around. travels a lot but specifically has never been to Novus#youd think having your boss be physically thousands of thousands of miles away would mean you'd pretty much be operation on your own.#but no. vutepose hovers. via zoom call. its hell.#anyway. i have thoughts. its too late for me to articulate them but im thinking them. ouughhhh#oc:vutepose#oc:roman#setting:novus#oh i should start uploading all my backlogged art for novus and make funny little lore posts on here...... ouuhhh
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